


go ahead, i'm gonna give you a head start

by fishydwarrows, tzrbup



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Recreational Drug Use, Useless Lesbians, grime femme sloane, overzealous hall monitor hurley, shithead twins who give bad advice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-18 16:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10620828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishydwarrows/pseuds/fishydwarrows, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tzrbup/pseuds/tzrbup
Summary: Hurley doesn't mean to start a flirtationship with the masked vandal who's been evading her for weeks. Really. It just sort of... happens.





	1. I'm From Fantasy California, Actually

**Author's Note:**

> silly highschool au, more info in the notes at the end  
> title from run the races by santigold
> 
> "i said 'who told you could get a piece of my heart?  
> cause you see, i'm no runaway  
> so go ahead, i'm gonna give you a head start'"

It starts by accident.

It’s around 5pm on a Tuesday, and Sloane is in the alley behind the school, nonchalantly spray painting a raven’s head onto the brick wall. She’s kind of in the zone, plus she has one earbud in blasting fantasy Sleater Kinney, so she doesn’t hear the back exit door open, but she does hear it when someone at the other end of the alley shouts,

“HEY!”

Sloane whips around instantly, fumbling the can of paint into her bag as she identifies the source of the voice. Hurley, the school’s most overzealous hall monitor. Of _fucking_ course. Sloane spins on her heel in a spray of gravel and takes off down the alley, ignoring Hurley’s outraged cries from behind her.

“Hey, wait! Stop! That’s vandalism! Get back here!” Hurley shouts. Sloane laughs and looks over her shoulder as Hurley’s voice gets farther away; it’s hard to put up an impressive chase when you’re barely four feet tall. As soon as that thought crosses Sloane’s mind, though, she faces forward again and skids to an abrupt stop. _Fuck_. Looming in front of her is the chain-link fence that blocks one side of the alley. No wonder Hurley wasn’t breaking a sweat; she knew Sloane was running right into her trap. This leaves Sloane with only one option. She lunges forward and hooks her hands into the fence, feet scrabbling for purchase as she climbs faster than she’s ever climbed in her life. 

“Shit!” Hurley yells, and starts running again. Sloane throws a leg over the top of the fence and starts to lift her other, but is stopped by a strange tugging sensation. One of the rips in her artfully ripped jeans has gotten hooked on the top of the fence. She drops her bag and frantically claws at the piece of fabric. A glance up confirms that Hurley has almost reached the fence, one finger pointed up at Sloane accusingly. 

“Come on, come on!” Sloane hisses as the entire fence rattles with the force of her desperate tugging. Hurley stops briefly at the bottom of the fence to catch her breath and then looks up at Sloane triumphantly.

“Alright, vandal, I’ve got you now!” she says, the declaration made somewhat less intimidating by the panting punctuating her words. She reaches forward and grabs the fence, and Sloane makes a split-second decision.

“Hey, wait!” she calls down. Hurley pauses, one foot raised, and looks up at her quizzically. “Are—d-did it hurt when you fell from heaven? ‘Cause you’re the, uhhhh, only ten I see!” Sloane curses herself instantly as she finishes, grateful for her mask’s ability to hide her identity and how pink she must have just turned. She cannot imagine how she could possibly have boned that any more. Hurley, however, freezes and goes bright red. The pause is just long enough; with one final tug and a disappointingly quiet ripping sound, Sloane frees her leg. The momentum of her efforts knocks her off balance, and with a terrific _WHUMP_ , she tumbles to the ground and to freedom. She snatches up her bag and lurches to her feet, flashing Hurley a peace sign as she jogs off.

Hurley makes no attempt to follow. She stands at the fence staring after Sloane even after she turns the corner and vanishes, heart beating nearly out of her chest. Finally, she turns so she can slump back against the fence and put her hands over her still-red face.

“I didn’t even get her number…”


	2. Y'all Gon Make Me Lose My Mind (Up In Here, Up In Here)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The best piece of advice Sloane has to offer anyone who asks is "Don't listen to the twins."
> 
> It's too bad Sloane doesn't listen to her own advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! ive been in school and also im just generally a mess and i keep forgetting/procrastinating

Sloane is content to write off the incident in the alley as a one-time ‘can’t believe that worked’ event, and she doesn’t give it much thought beyond that. Maybe if she did, she wouldn’t be as caught off guard as she is. As it is, though, she’s busy spraying the finishing touches on a black feather underneath the bleachers when someone behind her clears their throat. She whips around immediately, but before she can run or say anything, Hurley nods at the artwork behind Sloane and smirks.

“You’re pretty good with your hands.” she says meaningfully. Sloane is sure that Hurley can see how comically wide her eyes are even through her mask. Some kind of terrible, evil ghost must take over her body briefly because the words “Wouldn’t you like to know?” are out of her mouth before she can stop them. She just barely has time to see the startled blush on Hurley’s face before she bolts. Hurley doesn’t chase her this time.

\---

That night, Sloane paces her room, replaying the moment over and over. What the fuck? There’s a lot to unpack. Was Hurley flirting with her? Why? Why the hell did Sloane flirt back? Why didn’t Hurley chase her? Why did she get a feeling in her stomach like going over the drop in a roller coaster when Hurley smirked at her and when she saw the color in Hurley’s cheeks (that _she_ put there, says a sneaky voice in her head)? She crashes down on her bed face-first and groans. Then she smacks at her nightstand to find her fantasy phone so she can do what she always does and call Taako for advice, even though she can count on one hand how many times his advice has actually worked and it’s 2 AM. Elves don’t sleep, he’ll be fine. 

Sure enough, Taako picks up almost immediately, and Sloane is treated to an almost uncomfortably close-up view of his shit-eating grin and the slightly muffled sound of loud music in the background.

“Sloane, darling!” he coos in a tone of voice that means he knows there’s only two possible reasons why she’s calling him at 2 AM. “What’s shakin’, bacon?” 

“I need help.” Sloane sighs.

“You’re going to have to be more specific, hon, the services I offer are as varied as my talents,” he pauses and ducks out of frame, and Sloane hears a faint _snick_  and some bubbling before his head pops back up. “Which, as we both know, I gots a lot of.” He grins and exhales a cloud of smoke. Sloane takes a deep breath.

“Okay—“ she starts, and Lup enters the frame immediately, her shoulder crashing into Taako’s as she fights for space.

“IT’S A GIRL PROBLEM I CAN HEAR IT IN HER VOICE!” Lup shrieks and then throws her head back and cackles, one arm around Taako’s shoulders to steady herself. Taako’s eyebrows raise slowly and he looks at Sloane delightedly.

“You’re _right!_ ” he gasps. “Spit it out, holy shit. Tell your favorite wondertwins everything.” Lup nods in agreement, schooling her expression into one of mock-sympathy.

“Let us take care of you,” she agrees. “Is she hot? Do I know her?” Sloane rubs a hand over her face.

“You’re gonna laugh at me.” she whines. Taako puts a hand to his chest delicately in faux outrage.

“We would never!” he exclaims solemnly as Lup dissolves into helpless giggles.

“It’s—okay, do you know Hurley?”

Taako guffaws. Lup, who had already been sliding towards the floor, instantly collapses out of the frame with a loud _WHUMP_ , but her cackling is still very audible.

“The hall monitor?” Taako gasps finally. From her new position on the kitchen floor, Lup wails and gasps for air.

“Oh my god, the wild girl wants to fuck the cop!” she manages before she’s overcome by giggles again.

“I don’t! I mean, I don’t know, but she flirted with me!” Sloane pouts.

“She _what?_ ” Taako says interestedly. 

“She—“

“No, no, I heard you, dumbass,” Taako waves a hand dismissively. “But I suuuper need context for this, like, WHOLE thing, because…. _what._ ”

Sloane explains, starting from the first incident in the alley. By the time she finishes, Lup is on her feet again and rummaging through the cabinets behind Taako, who has his hands on his head in ecstatic disbelief.

“Oh my god,” he giggles. “Oh my god, you are a trainwreck!”

“Hey—“ Sloane starts to protest, but Taako cuts her off.

“You are a ten-car pileup of a person, bubbale! Oh, this is the BEST.” He claps his hands gleefully. Sloane covers her eyes. “Okay, so like—you think she’s hot, right? Like, I think that’s—you can’t lie to us, we know your type, and she’s it.”

“Mhm,” Lup adds enthusiastically through a mouthful of marshmallow fluff. She points her spoon at Sloane. “We all know you’re weak in the knees for butches. There’s no shame here. If you want a girl in a muscle shirt to rail you into the next calendar year, that is your god-given right as a citizen of Fayrun, and no one can take that horniness away from you.” Taako golf claps and mimes wiping away a tear.

“That was beautiful, thanks.” Sloane says. “And I mean—I mean, yeah. She’s really hot. The hall monitor thing I’m not as into, but she’s hot.”

“Followup question. Do you wanna ask her out?” Taako leans forwards with his chin in his hand.

“I—“ A new song starts on Taako’s end, and he and Lup turn around at the exact same time and make excited eye contact with each other. Sloane shuts her mouth and waits patiently while the two of them take a moment to appreciate the musical stylings of “Party Up (Up In Here).” They egg each other on as they perform their spontaneous dance breakdowns and mouth the lyrics dramatically. Lup drops into a squat and Taako snortlaughs and turns back towards the phone, seeming to remember Sloane’s presence as he does.

“Oh! Heya, toots.” he says happily. “Sorry, you were saying?”

“Yeah, I would like to ask her out. There’s just, like, the issue of me being a masked vandal that she wants to catch, and all that.”

“Mm.” Taako hums thoughtfully, tapping his chin. “That does present an issue.” Behind him, Lup is still gyrating comedically.

“GET DOWN WITH YOUR FUNKY SELF, LUP!” calls a voice that sounds like it probably belongs to Carey from off camera. Sloane sits up.

“Taako, what the fuck? Who else is there?”

“Oh, shit! Yeah, our aunt’s out tonight, and you know how Carey has a sixth sense for that shit, so she just showed up, and you know how she and Killian are kind of a package deal. Come over!” 

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” she mumbles, grabbing her jacket and starting to pull her window open. “See you in fifteen!”

“Smooches!” Taako replies, and hangs up.

 ---

Sloane rolls out of bed the next morning feeling a little shitty but mostly just the kind of dull satisfaction that comes from a night spent having fun with friends. That warm and contented feeling is abruptly shattered when she picks up her phone and sees several texts from Taako, Lup, Carey, and Killian.

 

**thing 1: holy shit i cannot believe u actually did that**

**thing 1: but its like THE least subtle move ever sooooo**

**thing 1: my expert prediction: 100% success**

 

**thing 2: lmaooooo you legend**

 

**honk if ur a scalie: SLOANE HOLY FUCK**

 

**buff duck: hahahahahaha ur gay**

 

The last text from Killian has an image attached to it. Sloane waits anxiously while it loads, and once it does, all she can do is blink in horrified disbelief at the screen. The photo is of the double-doored entrance to Goldcliff High, and spray painted across both doors in huge black letters is her _god damn phone number._

Sloane throws herself back onto her pillows, phone dropping to the floor as she smacks her hands over her face.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i love these shitty twins. the playlist theyre listening to is here btw: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11cEB7wGAiBx59vqWlEbJiHAc51X4FZ-SHXx9m2w8XbQ/edit  
> (theres a spotify link on the doc but spotify doesnt have all the songs; im gonna update it with a link to a youtube playlist as well in the next few days)

**Author's Note:**

> i made this post:  
> "spritepepsi: sloane absolutely flirted her way out of getting arrested the first time she met hurley. shes not even good at flirting hurleys just really Fucking Gay
> 
> spritepepsi: hurley: FREEZE UR UNDER ARREST!  
> sloane: d. did u fall from heaven? bc ur the UHHonly ten i see!  
> hurley: hholy shit i cant NOT fuck her
> 
> spritepepsi: just want to clarify that this happens while sloane is desperately trying to free one of the Stupitgoth Chic purely decorative leather straps on her armor from the chainlink fence she just climbed  
> after she gets away sloane is like “holy fuck i can NOT believe that worked” and hurley is like “I DIDNT EVEN GET HER NUMBER”"
> 
> and it got my friends and i talking, and that spiraled into us talking about a high school au somehow, and from that conversation This was born.


End file.
